My first blog post was about how I was feeling worthless in terms of the world, forgetting my worth in God. This came up when I was keen on cadetships and those sorts of things and was at the beginning of my path so far, not really knowing (despite accepting) why I was failing to succeed at all the things I wanted to and all the things I thought I COULD succeed at.
Months and months later after I had put a lot of effort into trials and into a flawless scholarship application, I hit another road bump which convicted me. I realised that everything I was doing and everything I planned to do in a career in investment banking was all for me, more specifically, for a shining resume that employers would love. Not, as you notice, for God or His kingdom at all. I could say that I wanted to be a witness to those in my industry and blah blah but I knew deep down that was not the intention. I came to terms with this but was increasingly uncomfortable with my the present career choice. People I respected warned me about the dangers of IB, an acquaintance who worked in IB suggested I choose a more socially responsible career path etcetc.
This lead to a decreased interest and drive to achieve the scholarship that I had originally wanted so much. I didn't get it and to be honest I wasn't too disappointed because it saved me from pursuing a path that would likely lead me away from God rather than too Him.
During the post-HSC break I also began reading a book that I had been real keen for: Every Good Endeavour (Tim Keller) which explores work from a Christian perspective. I really expected the book to convict me and tell me not to value work too much and or whatever but what I actually encountered was very different. The book talked about what work is supposed to be, how sin has changed that and how to work in view of this. Something hit me in particular:
"[A] revolutionary way of looking at work gives all work a common and exalted purpose: to honour God by loving your neighbour and serving them through your work"
This hit home particularly because IB pretty much doesn't have a social role - it doesn't fill a social need. The whole point of work, even from a secular point of view, is to fill a social role (though work has evolved to become a way for people to gain for themselves). After this sunk in, IB lost all its appeal and I am so thankful for the way that God used the book to shape me.
The course I had chosen after finance really grew on me after that - Actuarial Studies/Economics (which I will be studying next year). My career path would actually allow me to love people and serve society. If I become and actuary, I'll be calculating insurance so people can protect their families if they pass away or their cars or their health. If I become an economist I'll be analysing data that will help organisations to determine how to deal with and lower unemployment so people have better welfare. This is so much more appealing even if they have a lower paycheck and possibly demand less respect than investment banking.
I am so thankful that God has guided me onto this path. This journey has really taught me about how God's guidance. Often we wonder how we could possibly know what God wants for us and this experience has really taught me that God shows us this through the way life happens for us. Everything is under His control and everything works for God.
Another thing that happened was that on Nextgen I missed a call that was likely to be a scholarship offer. I do not think it was a coincidence that I missed the call and I did not chase up on it. It made it very clear that that scholarship was not for me. I had already accepted entry into a course I believed God wanted me to study and that was more than enough for me.
I am also SO THANKFUL for how God used my brothers and sisters to guide me through the way they encouraged me and rebuked me as I went through this struggle. They were there each step of the way to help me to see what God wanted and to help me through my struggle. I am so so so so thankful that God put them in my life.
Because of this experience, I am confident that God will guide me through other decisions in life simply through the way life happens.
:)
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