"What do idolaters do with their idols which believers are meant to do with God? The answer is they love, trust and obey them. We love worldly things instead of God. Now, we might not say we love our studies. But ‘love’ in the Bible is what we desire, where our affections and ambitions are directed, and the things we fear we might lose."
- Michael Leong (http://www.thelas.info/2013/05/education-as-idolatry/)
So our assessment block just ended....I thought I should reflect on the things I've learnt about studying so far. I'll write another one at the end of HSC.
Something people sort of assume about me but don't really know about me is my struggle with idolatry, particularly of 'studying'. The other week, I didn't go to church because of a friend's baptism and the automatic assumption was that I skipped church to study. Though I don't skip, studying is an area where I struggle especially in terms of idolatry.
When thinking about this I pinpointed the problem from just the general 'studying'. I realised it wasn't money or comfort but rather, success measured in respect. It's not that I want to earn $200,000 a year (though that would be great I have to admit), it's more that I want people to look up to me.
So as I established this problem, I've naturally collected thoughts about it since I first recognised it. I remember in year 10, I realised that I looked to studying to satisfy me. I'm not entirely sure when the problem was at its worst (maybe it's now I don't know)
Thoughts are everywhere and are probably going to go in some weird order that's neither chronological or in order of 'importance'
1. Identifying idolatry
I think the reason this challenged me quite a bit is because we often fail to recognise what idolatry is. Sometimes I'm reading my Bible like, 'Dang these people are pretty stupid God is right there and they're worshipping these like gold things'. I think part of the reason they did this was because they saw the nations around them with these idols and were like 'ooh that looks so much cooler than our God'. That's kind of what we do now isn't it? The world around us often tries to find worth and fulfilment in money, success, all that stuff. I may be one of the rare people who enjoys studying. I honestly really enjoy working hard at something and then having a result at the end. I think I'm incredibly blessed that the effort I put it in is proportionate to the marks I get. Anyway. The quote was talking about how in this context, 'love' is what we desire, where our affections and ambitions lie. I cannot honestly say that my all my desire, affection and ambition lies with God. Especially ambitions. A lot of the time, my ambition lies in what I can achieve. What I can present to people in exchange for their approval and respect. I guess this challenged me because it's so easy to say that God is the centre of our love and affection but really, most of the time He isn't.
2. Christ's success for us
I wrote about this in detail in previous posts. But essentially I've learnt quite a bit about how trust should be transferred from my own success to Christ's success. From a book I read it said that after this 'we experience the abundant freedoms that come from not having to measure up'. I think this ultimately boils down to humility. Someone (Yeomans I think) mentioned that we live in a performance-based world. This is seen in everyday life; people work for a particular number of hours and are paid accordingly, people earn this money and are rewarded by social and economic mobility as well as status. More relevant to me/us, we do things that we think people approve of and based on how highly we perform, we get a reward, whatever it may be. In a world like this, its difficult to stand there and admit that it's not your success that really matters. For me, I want approval and reward when I've worked hard. But ultimately, it's not my success that saves me, it's His success that saves me. Which is what we covered in ISCF this week sort of I suppose (Colossians 2:16-20)
3. Freedom
'The world says that the bigger we become, the freer we will be. The gospel says that the smaller we become, the freer we will be. We begin to decrease; Christ begins to increase'
I really like the analogy of slaves and masters. I find it very emotional and effective to me and to others, especially when discussing freedom. I suppose studying and work is a representation of sin. Sometimes, I feel although academic success promises me everything I could ever want but in the end doesn't deliver at all. I guess I could see it although I'm bound to these things. Crappy master. But Jesus. He frees me. The way I see it, the quote is correct, the world tells us that freedom comes from being able to access everything through money and status, the bigger the freer. The gospel calls on us shrink ourselves and allow Jesus to be the big one. When we begin to rely on Christ instead of our own strength to free ourselves. Also ties into RICE last year. The music video for "I Could be the One". I remember Steve's commentary that: Sure that woman is free from work and monotony, but after this, she becomes a slave to parties, drugs and everything impulsive.
4. Not a matter of priorities
I find that sometimes we put God as a priority. Like. God, studying, friends, family (as an example). I don't remember who told me this but it impacted me a lot. God is not a priority on a list, it assumes that once we deal with God, we can move on to the next item on the list. That's just not how it goes. It's more like God is in the centre of our lives and everything else relies on Him. You can't have anything stable without a centre (just like Yeats says :P). God shouldn't have to compete with other things in our lives or even have to be the first. God is in the centre, without Him everything falls apart.
I found this quote but I forgot where it's from:
"When the King is in the middle, everything else falls into place"
5. Materialism
A constant reminder in studying. What happens in the end. We die. It's pointless.
6. Everything comes from God
With the previous point in mind, it's important that we don't forget to put an effort in. For me, the problem comes in when I get cocky and think I'm fantastic. I forget that everything I ever accomplished I was only able to do because God gave me the ability to do it. (Refer to a post somewhere below for elaboration). Even my parents admitted it. Sometimes they're really proud like 'dang I am a good parent' but a while ago they pretty much were like: 'Don't ever think that the things you can achieve came from you or even that they came from how well we set you up. Everything you accomplish comes from God's.
Also sometimes I think I fail to remember that God created everything. Everything I learn about, even the concepts in social sciences that we think are man made. They were created by God. As humans, we think we're so intelligent but we forget about the one that created us.
This is getting increasingly off topic so maybe another time I can collect my thoughts better.
Reflecting on the past two years, the importance that I place on studying has not changed that much. I consider it very important to me. The thing that has changed though, is how I approach it. I'm not sure when, but at one point I began to understand that although studying was important to me, it was God that was most important to me. For me, after I began praying to rely on Him and praying that He would take all the glory. I began relying on Him instead of myself for satisfaction. I don't know if my marks god better or worse. I only remember that they didn't matter as much anymore. Don't get me wrong, they mattered, they still matter now. But marks were kicked out as the determiner of my moods and level of satisfaction. A burden was taken off me because exams and assessments weren't about me anymore. They were about Him and His glory.
"Therefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish" - Isaiah 29:14
